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MOUNT SINAI – Adventist scholar Dr. Seymour Scriptura claims Moses not only received the Ten Commandments on Mount Sinai but also a separate set of tablets containing the 28 Fundamental Beliefs of the Seventh-day Adventist Church.

According to Dr. Scriptura, extensive research and divine insight have led him to this groundbreaking conclusion. “It’s all there in the fine print,” he insists. “Moses came down with two sets of tablets, but due to a mix-up in translation and some heavy editing over the centuries, the second set got lost in the shuffle.”

Dr. Scriptura’s theory has caused quite a stir in Adventist circles. “It makes perfect sense,” says Sister Justine Bieber. “How else do you explain Moses’ adherence to health reform and his dietary laws? Clearly, he was well-versed in the principles of Adventist lifestyle.”

Theological critics, however, are skeptical. “There’s no historical evidence supporting this claim,” says Professor I. M. Doubtful. “Moses lived a few millennia before the Adventist church was even thought of.”

Undeterred, Dr. Scriptura continues to present his findings at local churches and potlucks, where he assures members that the tablets contained not only the fundamentals but also instructions for haystack recipes and Pathfinder uniform guidelines.

“Next time you read about Moses and the Ten Commandments, remember, there’s more to the story,” Dr. Scriptura concludes. “And who knows? Maybe we’ll find those lost tablets tucked away in the General Conference archives.”

This article originally appeared on BarelyAdventist, a humor and satire site for Adventists who believe in laughter.

 



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